Down with Love

I never write about these things when I am feeling them. That is my chief protective tactic. But nothing is more appropriate for tonight and I will worry about how damaging this is for my 'image' or whatever some other time.

When I decided that I would be 'Down with Love' all through February, I got a lot of mixed reactions. Some people assumed I was seeking attention and lining up prospects for Valentine's Day, others thought I had found a new lover or boyfriend and was expressing it in my own little twisted way. Some of my friends thought it was cute, and others just got a little bit more concerned about my sanity. Most people thought it wouldn't last...

So a little disclaimer: February 2011 for me is just a time to embrace the idea of love in all its cheesiness, nothing more. I am not in love with anyone... not anymore.

When I woke up this morning, everything was perfect. I was with that one person that made me happy just by being around, and that was simply enough for me. Add that to a very nice service at church and the promise of Valentine's Day in the air, it was a pretty perfect day. Fast-forward a few hours into the day, and it was any girl's nightmare: Breaking Up the night before Valentine's Day.

I guess this is the part where I try to save face and explain that I was the one who broke it off with him and that he wasn't my boyfriend yet anyway, just someone I was talking to, but nobody really cares about that at this point...but those are the facts, I promise. More importantly, I wanted to immortalize the way I feel right now about Love, especially with the wave of romance that will soon be upon us.

I still believe in love. Madly and completely. And I will still be celebrating Valentine's Day tomorrow because I can't help myself (and because I have to show off my wonderful presents too). And it is not because I am a sucker for punishment or because I have lost touch with reality. It is because of what love really means to me. The way I understand love, it is an internal process. We are helplessly attracted to people for many reasons, but the ones that we truly love are those that we choose to love even after we peel back the layers and see every imperfection that was hidden before. That is what love is to me. And when you love people like that, it is easier to forgive and easier to trust because with every new thing you learn about them you can make a choice: to love or let it go.

Tonight, I let it go. I have loved a lot, trusted a lot, and forgiven a lot. I have given my time, my affection, my loyalty and for every minute that it lasted I was truly happy. 100%, all the time. But tonight I made a new choice, I have decided to fall out of love. He will never love me unconditionally like I have loved him. And I deserve so much more.

So, it is me and Cupid on a journey yet again....

♡♥ Happy Valentine's Day!!! ♥♡