How do YOU Ride?

Do you drive that by any chance? Call me!!

A couple of months ago a male friend called me up and said a babe he was talking to asked some weird questions on a date, and the most suspicious question was "What kind of car do you even drive?" Apparently she had never seen his car. He asked me what I thought a question like that meant, and some of the words I remember saying were 'Gold-digger' and 'Run'. And to be honest I blamed him for putting himself in that situation because he does tend to go after them 'high-maintenance' 'eye-chooking' type babes.

Imagine my surprise when a few weeks ago another male friend casually asked me "What do you girls mean when you ask a guy what kind of car he drives?" I had to ask another friend if there's a secret meaning in the 'Language of Women' in that question and she thought it was ridiculous as well. So I told him I thought his new romantic interest was maybe a little bit overly-materialistic and that he needs to really 'get to know her' first, I meant he should bounce, of course. Funny thing is, he swears the girl is really great in all other aspects; and while I don't know him well enough to know the kind of woman he prefers, I think a girl that is so concerned about your machinery should be questioned seriously.

Surprisingly, someone else asked me the same question last night and I started feeling that maybe I'm just a bit too naïve with my Ogbomoso self to understand what is really going on and I wanted to ask everyone else out there...

Women, why is it important to know what car he drives?

In my humble opinion, there is absolutely NOTHING about a man's current choice of transportation that tells you much about what his personality or sometimes even his wallet looks like. Absolutely nothing. 

Let's talk about the money first. Maybe men in Nigeria can be gauged a little in the financial department because Nigerians mostly have to pay cash for their stuff; but add in the fact that some of them picked up one of Daddy's cars from the garage or the fact that some guys who have the cash are not out there buying the flashiest cars, you really cannot judge anything from a man's machine. 

And to my 'Sistas' abroad, especially in the US of A, please shine your eyes methodically. That car that you are so interested in was most likely bought on credit. You need to ask around and realize that the bigger the toy, the more cash he's shelling out to make those car notes and insurance payments (and need I remind you as a financial advisor that this means he has even less cash to spend on you?). Factor in the sad fact that some people make those credit payments ON CREDIT as well, you may just be cozying up to your ticket into the great American Dream Debt Nightmare. And gosh, have you spoken to a man right after he takes his cushy car to those expensive dealership maintenance places?! The price of maintaining some cars once is enough to feed a small clan for a good while. Now don't get me wrong, of course really wealthy guys drive crazy good cars, but just knowing what he drives will certainly not give you a clue.

Now let's talk about personality. When you're trying to get to know a guy and asking those questions on the late night phone calls and the sparkly dates, you want to be able to guess how he will treat YOU if you decide to spend part of your life with him. How exactly does his choice of cars tell you anything about this? What's really going on?

My advice to guys who want peace in their lives: If she is so interested in your material portfolio so early on in a relationship, maybe that's all she's interested in. Not you, just your stuff. So be very well prepared to entertain her very well on that level if you want to keep her. And if you what you are looking for is a woman to care about you for you, ease up on telling us what it is you 'got' on those early dates. You would be surprised how many women are turned off by the unnecessary display of assets...

That said, if you happen to drive that wonderful car up there (paid for in full) and you're not married to Beyoncé, CALL ME!! CALL ME NOW!! Haha!! 

Peace!!

Raising Mothers

Photo Credit: Franque

I am the Devil's Advocate (really, he pays me to argue his side ☺) and I think it is time to discuss an issue that no one else seems to be talking about: this generation of women. It is no secret that lately I have shared my disappointment and despair at the behavior of women and that I have been searching for answers to understand why we women today are just as 'evil' and misguided as the men that we all point fingers at (don't nod yet, I'm talking about ALL of us) and no one seems to be concerned about it. The first thing I found as I asked around is that I am as naïve as a 6-yr old princess living in a convent...and the second thing is that EVERYBODY BLAMES THE MEN and women have, again, welcomed another opportunity to be labeled as the victims.

We all talk about absentee fathers and men who cheat and fathers who abandon their children and create multiple families all over the place. Men blame their behavior on not having a father figure around the home to look up to, and women are quick to point out that the reason that they quickly lose their self worth before they are old enough to wear heels is because of a lack of male love and attention in their formative years. I say it is time to start putting some responsibility in the laps of our mothers (all women).

Society is deteriorating for so many reasons that it would be impossible to discuss them all with this medium. And while I lay no claims on expertise on social issues, I know that women today are not innocent in the spectacle that our world has become. Before you decry how terrible men are the next time you hear a sordid tale, think about the women who play a key role in the situation. For instance, we all talk about how unfaithful men are and forget that many men who cheat do so with women who know that they are unavailable. There are millions of exceptions, I know, but I am arguing for the devil here☺.

Many women today are hurt, angry, even bitter and are looking for answers in all the wrong places. It seems that we have forgotten to look back to where we come from, to the mothers who raised us, who should have the answers that they have gathered through years of experience and learning. Or maybe we have not forgotten...and there is just nothing to find. Mothers today appear to have lost their voices when it comes to bringing up the children that they suffered so much to carry and birth and are content to allow the world to place the blame on men who, of course, have developed a tough skin to our harsh judgement and criticism. Or maybe the cycle of victimhood goes back so far that women have forgotten what it means to be the backbone and nurturer of the family.

What do we women today learn from the women that have come before us? As a young woman who is on the fence about her identity as a home-maker and a 21st-Century career-oriented woman, I will avoid the Stepford Wives debate. However, a progressive society, complete with feminine liberation and independence is no reason or excuse for women to lose their identities or become so discordant that we become problems for one another. And while they say it takes a village to raise a child, I really do not think we want a global village led by the Bad Girls' Club, Real Housewives of Suburbia and the new school of Profit-seeking Wives to raise our daughters.

So yes, there is a problem and it does not belong to the men. Who is teaching girls to be ladies in the street while the rest of the world teaches us to be freaks in the sheets (and everywhere else)? How long before we no longer have a culture because we're to cool to cook, or too fabulous not to be fake? Is this the next generation of mothers?