Many of my friends hate each other.
I say this all the time but I think no one believes me.
I imagine the day I will have a big party, or God forbid my wedding, and they will all have no choice but to be in one room and breathe the same air for an extended period. Can someone spell W-A-R?
Seriously.
For someone who claims to be shy and introverted, I know people... lots and lots of people who I have crossed paths with and for unique reasons have been part of my life ever since. The big problem is that many of these people are as different as all the hours of the day and all the days of the week, in a nutshell, VERY different. Which makes my life wildly interesting, especially when the conflicts come up...
For example, I have a friend who disdains almost every close male friend I have, romantic interests and platonic friends alike. Her problem with ALL of them, I kid not, is that they are not cool enough. She calls them my 'chewing gum boys'. The first reaction many people have is to ask why I am friends with such a shallow human being, but I can't imagine not being friends with her. She's a honest person and a very good friend. On those days when I want to hide from the truth her voice is loud and clear in my head and her advice is always invaluable. And while I don't agree with her judgement of my friends, I understand her to some extent and as long as those comments about my uncool friends are not disrespectful to me or to them, no harm done.
Or my female friends who hate each other's guts.
*SIGH*
Sometimes, these divisions are because of things that have happened in the past that genuinely keep people apart. And that is understandable. But it really saddens me when two people who don't know each other or have never even met have preconceived impressions of each other from other people's experiences, because judging people without experiencing them for ourselves is a quick way to cut ourselves off from great relationships and friendships that are just waiting to happen.
And it puts me in an awkward situation sometimes. How do you handle friendships where someone has already judged the other person to be the scum of the earth before they have a chance to meet them, or maybe they don't even wish to know them at all? Do my friends even realize that if I believed everything that everyone said or thought about everyone else I would not even have any friends?
I'm guilty too. I am unfair to some people because of conflicts that have happened between them and others, some things that I know almost nothing about. After my grandfather died last year, I was depressed for a while because I had not had a good relationship with him. I had not spoken to him in over 10 years because of conflicts with other members of my family, conflicts whose details I still do not know today. I learned a lot from that experience as I tried to work through my feelings and regrets at his death. Lately I have decided that everyone deserves their own hearing, so to speak. I will never disrespect a friend(or family member) by willfully doing things that cause them undue distress, but I think it is unhealthy to continue to see others completely through the eyes of others. I know it will be a challenge to always be objective and understanding of others and to keep my convictions from overshadowing my loyalty to my friends. But it's worth a try.
Toodles
