I'm thankful for....

I have often wondered if I am thankful enough, not just to God for the amazing life I have but also to the people who are in my life who help to make it so wonderful. My professor read a few word from a self-help book called 'HELP' that tells of the powerful effects of a 'Gratitude Lifestyle' on people's lives and encouraged us to keep a gratitude journal to remember all the people that we are thankful for. I thought of how easily we all tend to get depressed when a problem pops up, and how great it would be to have a little reminder of when things were great, when a huge problem got solved and  people were kind and loyal and generous and truthful to us. I also thought of all the times that we get too busy to be thankful to people because we're worrying about the next problem.

Gratitude helps us simply by taking our focus away from the things we do not have or the things that are not so great and placing them on what is important: the people and the good things that we have right now. It is a simple principle of life that those who have a positive attitude and are quick to acknowledge the gifts of others make other people happy and in turn create more gifts for themselves. As the Yoruba proverb that says, "He who gives thanks for today's favor will surely receive another tomorrow...."


So what's your Grati-o-meter looking like? Have you been down in the dumps because the world is so terrible? Or have you stopped to breathe and say a quick Thank You to someone who made life just a little easier for you? Think about it, maybe even start a Gratitude Journal about ONE good thing that someone does for you every day. I promise you, you will realize that the world is not all bad and that there are some pretty awesome people out there. For me, that's more than enough to be grateful for.

PS I am Thankful that you took the time to read this..... Peace.

Of Love Songs...

"Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples; for I am faint with love"

- The Bible, Songs of Solomon Chapter 2 Verse 5

I love the Songs of Solomon. It is one place that you find romance and flirtation and sensuality all together in the bible - and it is the perfect combination for me; after all, it IS the bible. The songs of Solomon tell the story of two lovers who share the depth of their love for one another with each other and with their friends and anyone else who is around to listen. They are excited, passionate, deeply slain with love, and completely devoted to one another. Their love is the talk of the town. Solomon's Songs are bursting with so much passion and romance that you almost forget that they were written by the king himself. Not surprising that he had a thousand women, on record anyway. The feeling that he pours into the tale draws you in and brings the lovers to life. For me, their enthusiasm is a welcome break from the reality of today - the secrecy, cynicism, distrust, and fear that better describe our love lives nowadays. For Solomon's lovers, there are no rules, no walls, just love.

With Valentine's Day approaching this month, what better time to indulge in my season of Solomon's Songs? While I have always believed myself to be a romantic, life has sternly taught me to live and love by 'the rules'. I have learned to be practical, invulnerable and in control of all my emotions all the time, and it has become a little stifling. Like Solomon's lovers, I want to feel love with every fiber of my being and not need to hide it out of fear. I want to believe in pure love again and give myself, my trust and my passion to the one(s) I claim to love. So, instead of waiting in vain for a day when love will be like Solomon describes it again, I am giving myself up to Love. Until the 1st day of March when I will allow reality to set in, I have decided to live in an unwavering haze of love and romance. It is time to shout about love from the rooftops, to inhale and exhale and let go off every defense and truly feel, truly live again. I have been drinking from the fountain of love and it is time to infect as many people as I can with my love bug. So please do not be surprised if you catch me with a dreamy smile plastered on my face, or if I cannot seem to stop singing my love songs. I am simply 'faint with love'. And if I surprise you with a poem or steal a kiss, it is my invitation to you to step out from behind your walls and let your heart beat with passion again.

Happy Love Month!!!

I am, therefore I write

Is it too late to say a Happy New Year to you? I have been away for so long that I feel a little like a dry quill that has been starved of ink in a forgotten hut for many moons.....so here goes...

I had a conversation last night with the most stubborn man I know, and on the subject of writing his exact sentiments are

"Real men don't write"

My heart skipped a beat at his words, the same way it does when I hear someone say "God does not exist" (Dramatic? I know. But that's why you love me)

Because you see, real men do write. REAL PEOPLE WRITE. For people who write, especially those of us who sometimes embrace the art of putting the quill to parchment (or pen to paper, if we must) it can sometimes be described as the highest form of self-expression, right up there with great musical talent and amazing artwork. The possibilities are endless when you  face a blank page: the freedom to create a new experience or to express the depths of your soul to people in a vacuum of aloneness are the precious gifts that the writer has been given. But it definitely is not for all of us.

For me, writing started as a way to clear my head of the many many many wonderful thoughts I had floating around all day. I would write about my day and my life and other people's lives and the way I felt and my dreams and my fears and anything I thought about until writing became my weapon, a secret that has gotten me farther than any other skills I have. But more importantly, writing is for my pleasure...and I do hope it's yours too.

More importantly...

I'm BACK!!!

Coffee with The Other Woman: 3

I smiled and squeezed her hand.

I understand. I remember The Moment.

The moment I knew he had given a part of his heart to another woman, when he came home to me a shell of the man who left my bed in the morning. He was distracted at dinner, his head in the clouds.

And I was too afraid to confront him because I was afraid to lose him.

As the walls of my favorite café began to close in on me, I made a mental note never to bring an old flame's old flame here again.

Like there would be a next time.

"Look at us. We are so pathetic. I don't know about you but I had so many things to say to you until you walked through that door. So many questions. Only now, I don't think you are the one with the answers I need."

She smiles back. Almost genuinely this time. "It was a shock running into you as well, considering the number of times I wished you dead. Now that I know he's not with you, I have a need to ask the questions, not knowing is driving my insane."

I realize I am still holding her hand and I let her go. "What questions?"

"Why did he leave us? You and I, we loved him, adored him. We would have done anything in the world for him. And what did You do better than me? He always came back to you, even when things were great with us. I never understood it."

I completely understand her. Many nights I cried myself to sleep and wondered how she was better than me. I tormented myself with thoughts of her, obsessing about every little detail I could find. But here she was, telling me that I had won, that he never stopped loving me even after I had pushed him away. Any woman would be happy to hear those words. To know that she had a hold on the only man she's ever loved. But I just felt inadequate, incomplete. He could not do without me, but he was never mine. Not completely. The realization pierced my heart.

But today, at least one person in the world understands my pain and confusion. And today, it is enough.

(The End)

Coffee with The Other Woman: 2

The other woman.

Damn.
I did not plan to show her any emotions.
Things never go the way I plan them.
When things get really good,
It's a sign that they will get really bad.

He was my light. My man. OUR man. From the beginning I knew that he would never be all mine. He came to me broken, a shell of a man, a man hurt by the only woman he had ever truly loved. Like a fallen angel he drew me in. Even though he told me how cruel he had been before she hurt him and how much he loved her, I did not listen. I accepted him. I was in love with him. I was determined to keep him. We were so happy. Until he could not live without her anymore, and he slipped out of my life as quietly as he came in.

"I am sorry." She sounds so sincere, I hate her even more.

No she is not sorry. She shouldn't be. Without doing anything she stole him from me, she hurt me just as much as I hurt her. She won. She should be elated. I remember the day he got the ring. We were like teenagers, giggling and holding hands. I saw love in his eyes, felt it in every stolen kiss. Every woman in the store was jealous of me. Why was it so easy for him to lie to me?

"I don't think he ever stopped loving you. He thought he hid it well but I knew, and after a while I tried to stop caring. I knew he loved me too. And it had to be enough. Until it just wasn't enough, you know?"

She smiled. A smile filled with so much pain I thought she would shatter into a thousand pieces...

(to be continued)