Should have, Would have, Definitely Will Next Time

I should have kissed him.

In that moment when his arms were around me, holding me so softly and yet so fiercely like I could disappear just as quickly as I appeared in front of him. When his height enveloped me, even with 6-inch heels on, making me feel small and delicate, just the way I imagined it in my dreams. His breath was a warm, light whisper of air on my cheek for one second...and then nothing. Like he was holding his breath.

It did not matter that we were surrounded by hundreds of people or that we had not spoken a word to each other in months. I could not remember why I had sworn off him and told myself we could never be friends or anything else.

I wanted him to kiss me, and everything inside of me yearned to kiss him back.

But I held my breath and willed my heart to stop stomping around in its cage. I tasted his lips very briefly and ran my hands down his chest. He's skinnier than he was in my last dream. And then I just stood there...

He pulled back and looked at me with a question in his eyes, he was hurt. I smiled sweetly and headed for the door, away from the party by the pool. I had won, whatever the battle was this time...

It's been 60 days. I should have just kissed him.