Sunday, January 24, 2016

Married Exes

As much as I avoid it, it is inevitable that I am part of at least one relationship/marriage talk every week. When girlfriends - and guy friends - get together, we talk about old and new relationships, other people's relationships and maybe our feelings about things in general. And for some reason, at a lot of these discussions I come across as being disengaged or nonchalant.

A girlfriend made this accusation the other day and then commented "You will probably feel different when your exes start tying the knot". Her comment stuck with me, mostly not because of the fact that I have had maybe one now ex-boyfriend to be concerned about, but because it is fascinating that a lot of us actually take our emotional cues and responses from how we feel about what is going on with others and not ourselves. What is it about the events in other people's lives that makes us look at ours in a totally distorted way?

For me, it isn't necessarily my exes, but I am more than guilty of reacting to situations because of how I see myself in relation to others. Like how I thought yesterday that maybe I should be out in Central Park playing in the snow with my dog because everyone was out there, even though I absolutely hate being in the cold and snow. Or planning a major birthday getaway because as my friend just said "Because it is your 30th" ignoring the fact that I hate big birthday celebrations.

Lately I have found myself pausing and questioning my feelings and reactions to things. Why do I go to the places I go to? Or like a certain song? Or spend time with certain people? Why do I feel the way I do about relationships and marriage? What exactly do I feel about these things? For me, it has been so healthy to be able to say unequivocally what I want and do not want because I have thought about it and decided for myself.

What are your "married exes"? The things that make you feel or do things that you ordinarily wouldn't do or put pressure on you to place yourself on a timeline that has nothing to do with your life and experiences.

How do you get those things out of your mind so you can focus on being yourself?


Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Is This Thing On?

Yes! Yes it is!!

For months (exactly 18 months and 9 days) I have missed writing and sharing with you all (if you are still here).

Have I been writing? Yes, a whole lot. But for some reason it has been so difficult to share the deepest thoughts I have put on paper with the world. But not anymore.

As we crossed over into 2016 I took a look back at the last year and realized I had had one of the best 365 days of my life. Even with all the headaches and worries and sleepless nights, I don't think I have been happier. And for the first time I can confidently say it is not because of the presence or absence of anyone. It's just been me, Jesus in my heart and God around me. And it feels amazing.

And I realized at midnight on January 1, 2016 that there are so many more happy days ahead. What do I have to look forward to? Everything! More love, laughter, friendships, faith, falling in love, getting a ring, eloping (just kidding, dad, maybe), picking out outfits for my puppy, getting better at yoga, getting into kickboxing, getting better as a rockstar at work, longer hair, nicer skin, whiter teeth, the list is endless. But at the heart of it all I realized and for the first time I absolutely believed that the best days are ahead of me, and I am so excited to meet every day this year.

If you know me, you know I will have the cloudy, moody days at well. But it's okay. Because they will be great learning experiences and I will shake them off and face the many firsts and agains that are coming.

And more importantly, I WILL BE WRITING THIS YEAR. A LOT! I haven't figured out what I will be focused on this year, but I have decided there is no harm in letting the world know what I am thinking and feeling as the year unfolds. So let's go.

How did you come into 2016?

Love and Light,
dizzydami x.