Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Walking in Bigger Shoes

When my dad opened his Facebook account a few months ago and joined my list of friends I jokingly tweeted that I should have blocked him before he found my very well-hidden account. Afterwards, there were jokes here and there about the funny things he said or did. But eventually, we (I) found a good rhythm that worked for both of us: I hardly ever interact with him on there, and when I post a picture/album/anything that I know will pique his curiosity I just make sure I exclude him from friends who are able to see it. It works pretty well (you all should try those customized settings). Anyway, I was a bit surprised when he asked me a few days ago why I am always on Facebook. Ok, not surprised, seriously exasperated.

Sidebar: Those who knew me on Facebook when Facebook was IT would probably laugh at that. These days I log in to check birthdays, respond to messages, report spam, decline Farmville invites, decline friend requests from people I don't personally know, unfriend people who invite me to parties 3 times in a row, and ocassionaly post a photo or two to show I'm still alive. Twitter, now that is a different story.

Back to dad, I was a little bit irritated that he was bugging me again. But this time, I thought about it differently...

If life works out the way I have pretended not to have planned it, when I am about 50 like my dad is I will have my own two children in their mid-to-late teens with a loving husband by my side. But I am sensible enough to know that life does not always work out the way we plan it or wish it would. Whatever the situation I am in when that time comes, I know for a fact that I would want my children to share my life with me. But more importantly, I would want, more than anything in the world, to share their lives with them and be a part of their adult lives.

Many of us are not from homes where both parents are alive, or even together, and lately I have been thinking about those parents and how they get by. I know they have their friends, but having only been in the rat race of having a career and corporate living for seven long months, I can only imagine just how few and far between those interactions with even the closest friends are. As young as I am, I have become just a tiny bit jaded about many of my friendships, and I imagine it probably gets worse as we all get older. In the end, we all will most likely turn to our children too...

Once when I was complaining about my dad and his MANY MANY MANY MANY OH MY GOD MANY questions on BBM a friend asked me to be nice, to think about the reason every parent is suddenly using our methods of communication. Picture this: half the time you are in the same room as your parents you are on that thing (as they all call it), you're smiling at it, maybe even laughing at it, and you never ever seem to put it down. For most parents I know, they are now on those things because they know it is the way to get to their kids, and maybe get us to smile at them like that. Lord knows I can't remember the last time I called my dad just to say hi. I even get annoyed when he calls me at odd hours of the day, selfishly ignoring the 6-hour time difference that makes it difficult for him as well.

I have often said to my friends when they quarrel with or complain about their mothers that I would give anything in the world, and I mean anything, to have my mother here today. But in the same way, I am guilty of taking my dad for granted even though I know many who would give anything to spend just one day with their father (or even just to know who he is)...

In the spirit of this season of (commercial) Love, I am making a promise to my first superhero, my Number One man (for now)...

Daddy, if you are reading this (and I know you are) here a few things I would like to say to you:

1) Go to Facebook> Account Settings> Notifications> and disable those email notifications. I am not as active as I would like to be on Facebook, you should see my Twitter (you never will though. I made sure) but no one receives email notifications on Facebook anymore because then we would all go crazy and Yahoo would shut down from the traffic.

2) For the 60-plus years that we have left together on earth, I promise to not only be a great daughter, but to be your friend. Your best friend, if possible. You are a pretty cool dude and it would be an honor to get to know you as a friend and share (most parts of) my life with you as well. Maybe even get you to start drinking... ☺

Just one condition: Please do not ever ask me if I'm "Painting the town red" on a Friday night. Only old people say that ☺

I love you Daddy.

To the rest of you, please be kind to your parents.

Paix et amour ♥

Dont forget to check out my personal (daily) journal


  1. Wow!this hit home..real hard!
    Nice one Miss sumTin,your writing gets deeper by the day(or should I say months:> )

    1. Months? I'm crushed. I'm really trying tho. If I am able to keep up a challenge I gave myself recently, you will be seeing much more of me

  2. this hit home, :), my mum and dad do this, ping on bbm, i never accepted my mum on facebook, but i do sit and jist with them about twitter and life in general, im friends with my parents for sure

    1. Lucky you! Now that I want to do this it will be harder cuz my dad is so far away... thanks for visiting as always :)

  3. Wow, beautifully said. My parents passed but this is still touching. We tend to only miss them when they are gone but this is a reminder to remember them before they are gone. I will use this for my aunts and uncles.

    1. sorry to hear about your parents... in my experience aunts and uncles are always so much fun. Enjoy them!

  4. The past 2-3 years have really opened up my eyes to realize that my parents are the only ones that WILL TRULY have my back when times are really rough!! I used to have a million and one friends but reality hit me hard and made me realize those were only friendships of convenience. Same as you, I have made a conscious effort to become genuine friends with my parents, as they are truly amazing, and the coolest people I know.

    Amazing writing as usual. Torture stopped lol.


  5. awwww...
    Really sweet... So are you painting the town red tonight? ;o)

  6. really enjoyed this!..proud of you.

  7. My momsie requested me on facebook and I denied her... She mentioned it one day and I didnt mind her, but now I think she was hurt. Reading this made me feel so awful.... I dont feel like i appreciate her as much as I should and I would hate to one day have her not be here and be thinking about "that time i denied mummy on facebook." now i am off to request her. Thank you so much!

  8. I should just add my mom on BBM....
    nice post